The American Dream, as it is taught in schools and society today, is a relatively recent term. It was first coined by James Truslow Adams. Adams, a historian, wrote in his book Epic of America, that “The American Dream is that dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement.”
The American Dream was a solution to a national shortage of morale and motivation. Adams wrote those words in 1931 when America had been hit with the Great Depression and the once rich fields of the Midwest had devolved into a dustbowl. Millions lost their jobs, took to the rails looking for work or simple living, leaving their families behind.
The unemployment line, the thousands of people standing in life to get rations that barely kept their families alive, was getting longer by the day and America needed a campaign that would inspire the masses. Thus, the American Dream was born. Hard work allows you to climb the ladder to financial freedom in this country, but at what cost?
In layman terms, the American Dream is the belief that no matter who you are, or where you come from, you can be successful in America based on hard work alone. This is a fallacy that has brought millions of immigrants to America in search of a better life.
The reality is, the American Dream is a nightmare from which our government refuses to let us wake. They are constantly feeding us the dream until we lose sight of the foundations on which this country was built. We are hamsters on a wheel, and the American Dream is that piece of carrot, just out of reach. One day, you may reach it, but it will be a pyrrhic victory, you may have lost everything important to you.
A prime example of this is Facebook. If you scroll through your Facebook wall, you will find a myriad of get-rich-quick schemes that thousands of people fall for. Advertisements that scream: “Run a marketing company from your phone or laptop and make millions traveling the world,” “Flip real estate for huge profits, no money down!” and “Are you tired of the 9-5 grind, I can show you how to escape the rat race, all you have to do is watch this FREE webinar” are constantly splayed at us.
To someone who works two jobs, making minimum wage and sometimes 15-20 hours a day, that seems like a dream come true. But they don’t show you the hidden cost. The hidden cost is not 30.00 a month to upgrade to premium, it is time spent away from your family in the pursuit of excellence in this country.
You don’t have to look very far to see life coaches, real estate gurus, and businessmen that came from nothing and rose to the top. People see that, and they pull up their bootstraps and buy whatever those guys are selling. These successful people have the life that they want, the life they came to America for, and they will do anything to get it.
It is important to clarify, I don’t have a problem with hard work. America is advertised as a nation with true grit and tenacity when the odds were against them (though historically, the odds have ever been in their favor). I know plenty of hard workers, some of whom I admire and some of whom I despise. The reason behind this disparity stems from one word: BALANCE. There are some people that take the Manifest Destiny written into the Declaration of Independence, and the fancy ads on Facebook and they run with it.
People become obsessed with success, because that is what is being sold, and that is what everybody wants. Personal development books, webinars, self-help seminars, life coaching, and other such resources are slammed down our throats everywhere we look, they are like a drug that is being offered on every street corner until we have a taste, and begin our descent down the slippery slope.
What these people don’t realize, is that personal development and hard work and success mean nothing if you have nobody to share it with. You can work hard and become a successful businessperson or reach the top of your career field, but you need to strike a balance between work and life.
I have known friends at school who don’t know their fathers or their mothers. They didn’t learn the life lessons they needed, because their parents weren’t there for them. They may have had the best schooling, the best clothes, the newest toys and games, a car on their 16th birthday, but those things don’t last forever.
If you are having trouble with the idea of the life-work balance, consider the following scenario: There are two people in hospice care, they both have two kids and they have reached the end of their lives. One is a wildly successful CEO of a Fortune 500 company, the other spent 35 years as a salesman and retired with commendations from his workplace and a loving client base.
A biographer enters the room and asks the men the same question: “What do you remember from your life, what were your crowning moments?” When they were growing up, whether they were rich or poor, their memories are the same. They are memories of play and laughter, eating birthday cake with their faces and falling asleep in spaghetti.
As the men recount each decade of their lives, their answers begin to differ. The CEO mentions his many accolades, when his business was finally listed on NASDAQ, the birth of his daughter, his first million dollars and then his first billion dollars. The salesman answers are different, they are more personal.
He remembers the first time his son hit a home run or threw a perfect spiral. He recalls when his daughter had her first kiss and her first heartbreak. He was there for the scraped knees, the snapped pencils and the popped pimples of adolescence. He was there to teach his son to shave, to treat people with respect and to never give up on his dreams. Now you have to ask yourself, which one do you want to be?
Do you want to be someone whose photo album is full of shots from the golf links, award dinners, and galas that were thrown in your honor? Do your grandkids want to hear you regale them with stories of the IPO you were a part of or the businesses you built? Or do you want to be a person who works hard and teaches their children not only the value of hard work but also the lessons that they can’t be taught in school.
I would like to provide some real-life examples of people who mastered the work-life balance. The first example is my girlfriend Mariam. Mariam came from Karachi, Pakistan to pursue a degree in Sociology and Business Management just over four years ago. And her incredible will to succeed and continue to work hard in the face of insurmountable odds inspires me to this day.
She has attended lectures and twelve-hour workdays with a fever of 103. She once bussed to school the day of a blizzard, mere days after she had been hit by a car, to do a presentation. Her work ethic does not get in the way of her ability to live life and to be a beautiful and compassionate person who inspires those around her.
When I was sick, forcing myself to work, she convinced me to stop. As I collapsed, soaking with sweat from climbing the three flights of stairs to my apartment, she told me something that will stick with me for the rest of my life, “No job is worth dying for.” And it was those words that saved my life. I called in sick to work and went to the doctor. I was extremely dehydrated with a fever pushing 104, I was burning up.
Over the next two days, she helped me overcome my mental barriers to have an ice bath and cool down my body. She called me every four hours, she would wake up at three o’clock in the morning while studying for exams, to remind me to take my medicine. If I hadn’t been to that doctor, I would be dead.
Not only that, she would always find time for friends or social events. School was important, as it has to be when you are trying to maintain a 4.5 GPA, but equally important was helping a friend through a break-up, or going for a birthday dinner, or finding time to take a day to visit the spa and unwind.
Another example of hard workers who find time for family is my parents. My parents taught me from day one that if you had a strong work ethic and you stand by your convictions and worked with integrity, anything was possible.
In the early years of my life, my dad worked regularly 15-hour days. He would spend weeks working up North and he would leave in the middle of the night on an emergency call, but he always came home. And whenever he came home, no matter how late, he would come into our rooms and wake us up (as if we had actually been sleeping). He would tell us stories, show us pictures of where he worked.
As I grew up, my dad enrolled me in many sports, and even though I thought there were innings in basketball and had no real sports ability, it was nice to look up into the stands after taking a soccer ball to the face and seeing my dad, still in his work clothes, wolfing down a sandwich and cheering me on. He made the effort. He even came to my plays and debates in high school,
Whenever I wanted to go fishing with him for the weekend, we would go. If I wanted to throw the ball around he would find the energy at the end of the day to teach me to throw a spiral. My mom worked as a waitress when she was heavily pregnant and put off her education until I was in school, to ensure I grew up the right way and learned the lessons that can’t be taught at a daycare. She is now pursuing her Master’s degree.
It is this work ethic, and the ability to find a balance between work and life, that I hope to pass on to my children and to you, dear reader. Success and money is not a bad thing, but never forget where you came from. Never forget to take that time to teach your son or daughter how to throw the perfect curve or tie their shoes. Fill your life with happiness, and you will find yourself fulfilled in a way that no amount of money can provide.
Editor(s): Cole Schenck
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