My name is Caprise. I am a single Mom. 46 years old and I consider myself pretty old for a teenager. I would LOL at that but here I am fully understanding LOL but getting teased for knowing by my younger work colleagues. Among other things.
The world can be a tough place for a woman in her 40’s. On one hand, celebrities are being celebrated for owning their years. Meanwhile giving the side eye. Charlize Theron being quoted as saying no women after a certain age should wear a T-shirt with Hello Kitty on it It should be noted I Love Hello Kitty.
We are told be yourself. Have fun hair. Own your curves. Have your own style as long as it fits in a mold. A celebrity can cut her hair off in a pixie, and it’s the new it hairstyle. I do it, and I feel compelled to say please don’t cut it too masculine or make me look old.
The first time I felt the side eye I was checking in at the registration desk to get my haircut. I cheated on my normal salon and went to a similar salon. The young lady behind the desk had all the piercings, black eyeliner, funky hair, and wearing a Ramones shirt. She was less than pleasant with me. I had come from some pretty heavy meetings so all my tattoos were covered up. I never feel old usually until I have these types of interactions. All I kept thinking was do you even know who the Ramones are?! Ugh.
More recently, I had a meeting with a younger staff member. The room we were in was hot, and I took off my sweater. To which I got wow, you have a lot of tattoos. Yes I do, and I’m pretty sure some of my tattoos are older than you. They legally can buy you drinks.
To put things in perspective 4 of my girlfriends, myself included, got our noses pierced for our big birthdays. Our version of a mid life crisis? No -for me I always wanted to but wasn’t sure what my employer would think. Since I’ve been there for 12 years I didn’t want to rock the boat. I met with our HR team, got it approved, and the next day got some nose glitter. We were a generation that listened to grunge, wore flannel… Mmusic and how we looked was our rebellion as it always has been. But the backlash for still wanting to express ourselves that way is rarely well received.
A few months ago I colored my brown hair blonde – recently I started adding lavender. For the most part it has been well received but a few people felt compelled to say again I must be having some sort of crisis.
Could it be my recent weight loss?
Could it be after years of not feeling like myself I do now?
Could it be ending a very hard and hurtful relationship?
My generation was the generation that got pierced, tattooed, ushered in Lollapalooza and Lilith Fair, worked three jobs so we could go to them. I made it possible for some of you reading this to have more acceptance looking not like someone else.
When I got my belly button pierced it was such a novelty the time that the British alternative band whose concert my radio station sponsored insisted on taking pictures with me. It hadn’t hit Europe yet.
One of my favorite cartoons, The Far Side, had a strip that featured two old guys sitting next to each other heavily pierced and tattooed & the one says “ I see your were stupid in the 90’s too.”
While I’m not a member of the barbed wire ink tribe both my arms are covered in ink, and yes I have the unfortunately named tramp stamp.
Help me understand why that isn’t ok?
Why can’t I be a Mom, successful in my car and still express myself?
Why can’t I crush on Henry Rollins and listen to Anthrax?
If men of a certain age do these things – look at how they balance. They are renaissance men. Women want them. Men want to be them. I express myself I get why are the old people taking selfies.
Here’s my point in this blog. I worked for each piercing and drawing on my body. They are all extremely personal and mile markers of where I’ve been and made it through… a blog for another day.
As for my hair well life is too short to have boring hair.
It’s ok to have two sides. Just don’t get arrested. I don’t have bail money & trying to save for my 50th birthday trip to Spain.
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One thought on “Stuck in the Middle With Myself”
Truth in your words.