Inner Thoughts

My name is Caitlin Schemmer, I am 27 years old living in Washington working at a crisis a respite center that specifically deals with drug/alcohol detox and mental health stabilization. Throughout my life writing has helped me process my depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Invisible. Small. Cornered.

The words to describe myself,

ring out like a truth,

but deep down the mind rejects them.

 

Ring! Undesirable, ring! Stupid.

I cover my ears and realize

the words are coming from within;

they echo in my head.

 

Loudly, now, they chime out their chorus.

Unworthy. Unlovable. Forgettable.

I turn in on myself and begin to stab.

Wherever it hurts before, I want to die.

 

At the end of it, I am no winner.

I avoid looking at the person who did it,

but these mirrors inside of me are shattered,

broken, they still show reflection.

 

Alone I stare at my pieces,

there seem too many to hold;

I scoop them up, hurting

figuring no one else will carry them.

 

I carry myself back, home.

 

~ Caitlin Schemmer

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