Indian and other Asian American parents are well known to encourage
their kids to do well and achieve academically so they can go to top
schools.
The reasoning behind this is so in the future they can procure
high paying jobs (ie medicine, finance, IT, etc) and attain financial/material security.
This includes being assured of getting a spouse with equal success.
I will only speak from the perspective of my Indian American community.
Has this drive also reached pathological/neurotic levels among
Indian parents in how they raise their kids? Do they know
how it will affect their kids later in their adult life when they
are working, married, and raising families? That is
something that has really opened my eyes in the last few months.
I went to an Indian bridal shower in April, the month
all the college acceptances have come in for high school seniors.
One lady had an older son who studies physics at Princeton
and is now doing a PhD in that subject at Yale (where coincidentally
I did a postdoc for a year.) She was
a little disappointed that her younger son did not make
it to the 7 Ivies even though he got a full ride to Rutgers
University and is in the honors college! Another woman
who graduated from the prestigious Notre Dame told me
most Indians do not even know how selective it is. They seem
so focused on getting their kids into the Ivies!
What have parents in my community come to?! Even when our kids achieve
something it is never as good as someone else. This can potentially
lead to a lifetime of discontent and mental health issues.
My sister went to MIT and out of the 7 people in her
close circle, 3 boys and 4 girls all went onto become
physicians, engineers and one Ph.D. 3 of the 4 girls were
Indian and one was Chinese. Two of my sisters Indian
friends have been in therapy on and off.
My sister says in talking to some of these girls, who have achieved
the American dream, they have expressed that a lifetime
of being pushed to achieve has taken its toll. They also
have issues with their parents for doing this.
Are parents alone to blame?
I think it is partly that, the milieu they grew up and the
schools and professions they chose. Of course, this is
not happening to all Indian American kids, but it appears to be
a prevalent problem.. I feel many parents in my community should really step back and think mindfully about the message they are conveying.
A more diverse definition of what being successful means and what constitutes a meaningful life could be a good start!
Writer: Laavanya Pasupuleti
Editors: Jing Wu, Cole Schenck
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