Being an individual with a mild disability, it has left me lost because the mainstream paradigm we are taught does not necessarily work out. We are taught from childhood that we are to get an education, then a good job, followed by marriage and kids, buying a nice home to manage and then the bucket list is endless. Those who are married and have jobs have the advantage of being able to interact with people at work, through their children’s activities at school and other activities. That can include an extended network of friends and relatives and maybe an affiliation with a religious or cultural organization. If you are single, it is not doomsday. You can still have a meaningful career and cultivate a nice network of friends and family that keep you busy. However, for people with disabilities, it is a whole other ball game especially if a career is not possible, you never found a partner or had kids, and may not have a strong network of family and friends.
At almost 42, I cannot even begin to describe how isolated and lonely I can feel some days. I live with my parents so that helps and most of my social activities revolve around taking my Mom to her social events from her Indian community which are baby showers, weddings, birthday parties, and poojas. Outside of that, I have a few friends and acquaintances, but they can only maybe meet up a few times a year. The rest is WhatsApp messages. Let us be real here, texting can be a nice way to supposedly keep in touch but it cannot replace real human contact. But that is all most people have now. Online support groups cannot replace real human contact either; it can only alleviate it a small amount. We were designed by evolution to be social beings and I do not believe that modern day society with all of its technological advancements can eliminate that basic of human needs.
In a capitalistic society in which you are ingrained to just work and work to have more and more, people have forgotten the importance of community and cultivating it. People just have enough energy to work, manage a spouse, kids, and a house and that alone is exhausting. For someone with a disability where do you find close friendships and community when most people cannot be bothered? I find even meeting other single women is hard because they are not open to meeting new people because they have an established group of friends. I do not blame people nor am I against our current social paradigm. I am simply exhausted reaching out to people and trying to find friendships and community.
I wake up at night sometimes almost on the brink of tears as I think of severely disabled children and the dilemma they face when their parents pass away, even if they have siblings. Knowing the apathy and indifference I have faced in society just having a mild disability, I cannot fathom what they will be up against.
I do not know what is to happen after my parents pass. That is my only support system. Luckily my sister is there – thank God. Just having her has meant so much and made the difference in my life, otherwise, I may have been homeless and on the streets. Yes, that could have been my reality. I cannot count on society in any way. Also because my family has means I still live such a beautiful life with material comforts and full and enriched. I do not take this for granted in any way. I never ever will!
Editor(s): Jasmine Hyder
