When most people are assigned tasks, they do something like this: 1) Immediately consider what is required for getting that task done. 2) Estimate how long it’ll take while providing a little extra wiggle room. 3) Make a plan for when they’ll achieve that task—which tends to NOT be the instant before it’s due. 4) Achieve it and rejoice in utter bliss. I, however, am not most people.
How Procrastinators Get Things Done (Spoiler: They Often Don’t)
Here’s how a procrastinator like me accomplishes tasks: “Ok, time to write this blog post. I only have 40 minutes before it’s due. Let’s do this! Let’s not think about what I’ve been doing all day instead of completing this one measly task. Let’s not focus on the fact that I’ve had five full weeks of winter break to accomplish this. Let’s not look at a calendar to confirm winter break has actually been five weeks, not 34 days. Let’s just get’er done.
“Ground rules: No distractions! No dilly dallying, no checking my phone, no looking up the origins of the phrase ‘dilly dallying,’ and certainly no snacks that get my fingers dirty… after this one last bite of white cheddar popcorn. Damn, that’s good! One more bite. I may as well finish the bag instead of cleaning my hands after every bite, huh? Hey, I know this is random, but what’s the weather outside? I’m not going outside anytime soon, but it seems like vital information. I promised I wouldn’t look at my phone, though, so let me open up a new browser tab. Alright, 16 degrees. Good to know. Let’s close that window and—WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS!?! Here’s that hilarious 15-minute TEDTalk about the mind of another procrastinator like me. I’ve been putting off watching this forever. That ends right now.”
Ah, the tragic irony. For the past month, I’ve been thinking on and off about having to write this article on procrastination. And guess what? I’ve procrastinated. After coming up with the idea and title a month ago—hey, at least that’s a start—the real challenge began. Now what? Should I look up procrastination jokes to use as an intro to lighten the mood? Every time I thought about the fact that I still needed to write this blog post on delaying responsibility, I laughed hysterically and then tried not to cry upon realizing this was actually a problem. And then, I distracted myself. That’s my formula: think about a task I need to complete, panic, then do something else to relieve this sense of panic until the cycle restarts. I should probably play Circle of Life from The Lion King for motivation. Then, I should memorize all the lyrics in case a karaoke machine ever malfunctions.
Let’s consider how my mind works. I wish I could shrink you down until you could actually fly into my brain like Ms. Frizzle used to do on The Magic School Bus. Should I watch an episode? Not now, Noah!
Your Brain on Shrugs
Inside my brain, there is an angel named Angel, whom I look up to with utmost respect, along with a devil, Lucifer (aka Luce, aka Luce Deux, Iron Satan, aka how many more names are you gonna come up with before continuing to write your blog, bruh?). Yeah, Angel kinda ruined that last nickname. Luce never judges me for shrugging off responsibility and always knows what I want to do. But he gives zero f***s about what’s actually good for me.
Well, that’s a lie. Sometimes Luce advises me to workout or call up my mom (awwww, what a sweet devil!)… but he does that two hours before the final exam I haven’t studied for. Luce and I hang out way too often. While hanging out with Luce is fun, I always hear Angel’s muffled voice and see him out of the periphery of my brain’s eye. Angel is like my father; Lucifer is like my best friend who’s always down to chill. When deadlines get too close, a third celestial figure enters my brain, Guilt Ghost. I call her GG, which also happens to be my dentist’s name, and she makes me feel guilty for never flossing.
When I sense GG’s presence, I kick away Luce and get back on track with whatever responsibility I’m supposed to handle because I don’t want to disappoint Angel. Seeing a sad Angel isn’t pretty. Sometimes the urge to avoid the guilt ghost is enough to chase Luce away, so I’ll meet my deadline at work, make it to my dinner date on time, or commit to waking up when my alarm goes off. Other times, GG bursts in panicking, but Luce stays strong and merely shrugs, assuring me I’ll be fine, and this isn’t worth worrying about.
The more I shrug, the less I care about anything in life. Angel’s advice fades to whispers in the background and GG stays locked up, only to eventually break free and cause me more anxiety and guilt than I’d ever like to encounter.
Advice to Fellow Procrastinators
This is tough because no matter what I tell you, you’ve probably heard it before. I recently began counseling because deadlines have been causing me an unhealthy amount of anxiety since high school. Here are a few tips I’ve picked up:
- Check Yo’Self: My therapist suggested I check in on myself more often before I fall into a state of panic. Once I’m panicking, I’m so overwhelmed by guilt that it drowns out any voice of reason. If you have to finish a report by the end of the day, for example, it helps if you check in on how you’re feeling and how you’re progressing throughout the day. Now, here’s the key. If you’re feeling stressed about your progress, don’t just ignore it and hope that feeling will go away. Address your stress. Step one toward managing stress is getting organized (see below). If you’re already organized and still stressed about your deadline, communicate that as soon as possible to whomever expects you to achieve your task at hand. Transparency is a better policy than failing to meet expectations without informing anybody. To recap, check in on your stress level and what’s causing you stress, so you can manage it before it overwhelms you.
- Get Organized: What stresses me out is knowing I have a ton of stuff to get done, but not knowing the details of when they’re due, how long they’ll take to accomplish, or when I’m going to do each of these items. I’ve never liked having my entire day mapped out, but I do like checking things off a to-do list. If you work or go to school on weekdays, start each of those days with a checklist of 3-5 things you NEED to get done. If your to-do list is too long, you’ll focus on task 11 (fold your laundry) or tasks that aren’t even on your list (watch an hour-long yoga practice and commit it to memory, so you can do it next time you feel like exercising) instead of task No. 1 (open the door for your friend who’s been knocking since you decided to write this to-do list). If you have only one big scary item on your to-do list, such as writing a 2,000-word essay, break it down into smaller tasks:
1. Draft a thesis argument for your essay and determine three supporting arguments for the thesis.
2. Write topic sentences for each body paragraph.
3. Finalize your introduction and each body paragraph.
4. Tie everything together with a conclusion.
5. Review and revise.
Basically, take your “achievement sword” and start slicing up those big, scary responsibilities into bite-sized chunks. Taking on the biggest stressor first, before you’re exhausted, will allow your other tasks to flow more easily. You’ll have the big monkey off your back and just a few cute little baby chimpanzees left to deal with.
- Practice Selfcare: There’s something about relaxing indefinitely while neglecting urgent responsibilities that doesn’t feel quite right. Oh yeah, it’s not actually relaxing. You might not believe it, but even the most ambitious go-getters take breaks. In fact, working for 12 straight hours without stopping is not at all efficient. They key is striking a healthy balance that allows you to work productively in moderation. Instead of doing no work during the week, then cramming everything into your weekend, how about working hard for just one hour each weekday and being finished in time to fully enjoy your weekend.That one hour can even be broken down into more tolerable 15-minute intervals spread throughout the day. Instead of doing things you enjoy to avoid doing work, try doing your work first so you can actually relax without sweeping your worries under the rug. There’s a reason why successful people prioritize what makes sense to do over spending time doing only what’s easy and fun.
- Embrace the Pros of Procrastination: Procrastination gets a bad rep, but is it really always bad? A lot of this article’s funny nonsequiturs (“funny” by my standards, probably not yours) were discovered because I was procrastinating, and wanted to take a break from writing the serious stuff. You may come up with a great idea while doing something other than what you’re supposed to be doing. The stress of having to accomplish something before the deadline can be a beneficial motivator for getting it done. But just don’t—you know—exhaust yourself by working until the last minute every time. There’s never any downside to arriving at your destination early. Another procrastination perk is that you have less time to second-guess yourself due to that aforementioned FAST-APPROACHING DEADLINE. People often procrastinate because they have no interest in doing the task they’re supposed to do. It may be overly complicated or boring. So procrastination can help you put things in perspective and realize you want to do something else besides that one thing you keep putting off over and over. Maybe you’re more interested in the things you do to procrastinate, so a job in that field may be a better fit. Finally, you get hyper focused when it actually is time to do that thing you’ve been delaying because you’re often more likely to use your time productively when it’s scarce. I’d love to offer more advice, but look at the time—my blog post was due a minute ago.
Editor: Jessica Collins
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