It is not uncommon for a person who is recovering from a life-changing event to feel isolated and alone. Many people with brain injury fall into this category and express their feelings of loneliness. Joy can be derived from many different sources, but in the absence of people, activities, and circumstances that give a sense of joy, life can get boring.
NOTE: This conversation was type-recorded per request of the interviewer, Jing Wu. It was recorded on January 4th, 2019 and so the Digital Support Group referenced in this article has already occurred by the time of publication. The MindReset hosts a general support group on the first Monday of every month at 7:30 PM EST for anyone seeking support. Learn more about the program HERE.
*Names were changed.
“Tell me more about being bored.”
“Well I guess, I have things I can do, yet I don’t want to do it. I think what’s the purpose of doing that stuff? I do stuff, but why?”
“Do you feel like there isn’t a purpose to it? What would be more purposeful?”
“I don’t know what to think about that…”
“You can’t think of anything?”
“Like what would make me happy?”
“What would make you happy?”
“Doing stuff for others isn’t a big deal.”
“Oh, so you’d rather do something for someone else?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, so that’s how being single is tied in…because you’d rather be with someone?“
“I’d like to be with someone and share my accomplishments with that person.“
“Do you share those accomplishments with your family or your friends? You don’t find that fulfilling?“
“Well, I guess I do. But, it’s been a while since I’ve done something for someone else. My mom and dad, friends, [they’re] not there anymore…”
“Your mom and dad aren’t there anymore?”
“No, no, I live with my mom and dad. My friends are gone. I’d like to go out and shoot the ball and talk…”
“I guess it’s different when you feel like you don’t have the option, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So like I know that for me, I don’t mind hanging out with myself, but it’s because I know I could spend time with other people and because I have social activities planned in the future, but that’s not the case for you?“
“Yeah.“
“I’m sorry.“
“For me, it’s like I’m 40 and single. And not a whole lot going on.“
“I know what your ideal world looks like. And I guess maybe a question is, how are you going to get to your goal?“
“Yeah, that’s it. I’m not sure.“
“How about a small goal. Something that feels attainable to you. That you could complete in a relatively timely manner. What would that be? Working towards something you want.“
“I’m looking for a relationship…I’m not shy you know. In this day of age, how do you meet people?“
“You have to go out. You have to participate in activities you enjoy. You have to let your friends and family and people who will help you know what you want, so they can help you. And they might be able to, but they definitely can’t help you at all if they are unaware that you need help.“
“Right.“
“It’s so easy for me to give this advice. But I know how hard it is. I think about in my own life how much I hate asking for help, but we all need it.“
“Right.“
“And it doesn’t mean you are anything lesser for asking. Yeah…I wish I could help you. I don’t know anyone in your local area that is around your age or single. So it is tough. I get it. With brain injury too…“
“Yeah. Right. Yeah, you know I’ve had my brain injury for 24 years…since ‘95. I was feeling good about myself, but then the last year I had my bike accident, and it changed me quite a bit.“
“How so?“
“Well, my whole thinking process is different now. A little sore and what-not.“
“I know we talked about dating apps and online dating in the past but you weren’t open to it. Might it be a possibility now?“
“Um, no. It’s not.“
“Okay, do what you’re comfortable with, but I know that for individuals who have unique characteristics or might not have time, or are looking for something specific, these kinds of tools can be helpful.“
“Yeah.“
“Otherwise, at this moment I can’t really think of anything. Except maybe, if you attend the support group next Monday, you could bring it up to the group as a topic? And they could help? I just feel like I’m not the most helpful right now.“
“Right.“
“You might meet someone in the group you connect with. That you could talk to more frequently or at least have another person to talk to…do you talk to other people besides Brad*?“
“Not really. I mean I talk to Brad. That’s about it I think.“
“You talk to Diane* too pretty frequently right?“
“Yeah, all the time.“
“So you have at least two other people besides your family. Why don’t you reach out to your other people from support group?“
“Well, my goal right now is to do just that. We have some new people in there. In the last few months, I could talk to some new people and stuff. They don’t stick around and go to the restaurant.“ (This brain injury support group goes to a local restaurant afterward if people want to socialize further.)
“Yeah.“
“Plus, I’ve been working this last season, and then I feel kind of tired.“
“I feel like it might not be the worst idea to do stuff with The MindReset because you can meet people without brain injury. The MindReset doesn’t just do digital stuff, they also do live events.“
“Yeah, send me stuff.“
“Yeah, Cole can connect with you. Do you want to go to support group next Monday where you can talk to me and other people?“
“If I can figure out how to do it.“
“You can call in from your phone. There is a phone number…I know the internet is a little tough to use sometimes. I can send you the link without you having to register if you want.“
“Okay.“
“We prefer for people to register, but because I know how tough it is sometimes and because you’re my special friend, I’ll send it to you. That way you can talk with other people who are struggling with their mental health, or who want to help other people, or other people with brain injury. I think it might be good.“
“Mhmm.“
“So mark your calendar! It’s at 7:30pm ET, but for you, that will be 6:30pm CT. Got it?“
“Okay. 6:30pm, Monday.“
“I want you to meet some other people who care, okay?“
“Okay.“
“I actually have to finish doing this thing, but I’ll talk to you Monday?“
“Sounds good!“
Then Jing read the dialogue to Shawn to confirm correctness and get permission to publish.
“Is it okay for me to publish this on the blog?”
“Yes, you can.”
“Thank you for sharing. I feel like it’s a common conversation for people with brain injury.”
“That was awesome. I’m kind of jealous because you type all that stuff down and read it so fast.”
“[Well], you know me. I’ve adapted over time. You remember when I was in a worse place…”
“Yes. I do. You have blossomed. A great deal.”
“Only because of yooooooouuuuu and friends!! Thank you for being one of those people in my journey.”
“You’re welcome! I thought we were going to get dinner while you were here in Wisconsin…”
“My time there went by so quickly…next time!”
“I should come and visit you in DC!”
“Yes, you should! I’ll let you know where I end up.”
“Okay.”
“Alrighttttyyy! Talk to you next Monday!”
For all those who feel lonely. You are never alone. Please reach out to The MindReset. We have community members of all ages, identities, and professions. What do we all have in common? Humanity. A desire to help others and make this world a better, kinder place!
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Recorder: Jing Wu; Editor(s): Jing Wu & Seid Suleyman
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