There is a mantra I repeat to myself ad nauseam throughout the day. If I listen now I can hear it…
Be successful
Be supportive
Be witty
Be social
Make friends
Be healthy
Take time for yourself
Make time for loved ones
Be neat
Be intelligent
Fill your life with meaning
Don’t worry if you can’t fix it
Don’t worry if it’s not your responsibility
Don’t worry if it won’t affect you
Be happy
…in conversations with friends, with family, with loved ones – when working, when relaxing, when travelling. There are many people with the designation of “high strung” or “anxious” who will know this mantra or some derivative of it. We let it exist because in small pieces it makes sense and can easily be mistaken as motivational. But the constant pressure from the sheer number of the ideals we impress upon ourselves is an unattainable standard. We chant this mantra over and over until we that pressure finds us in a moment of weakness – overly tired, burned out, or mental exhaustion from adherence finally gives out, trying to just “be.”
When we fall apart our mantra cannot save us – it’s what has torn us down. It can take hours, days, or weeks to recover. And with recovery seldom comes healing – there oft comes self-inflicted berating, guilt, and shame over perceived weakness from failure to attain our ideal existence. What kind of person are we if we can’t always be kind? If we aren’t always successful? If we can’t find a purpose in life? What will we hear in our minds if the constant repetition of our mantra ceases? Who would want to be with us, love us, or respect us if we can’t uphold our own values? The mantra continues its steady tempo.
Be witty
Be on time
Be charming
Be healthy
Be neat
Be carefree
Be happy
The mantra won’t stop even if we plead for it. An anxious mind is always searching for improvements, for dangers, for failures – especially in our own lives; even as we recognize how the constant, anxious, not-quite-subconscious chant presents itself in our lives – forgetting to eat, forgoing sleep, sending one more text “just in case.” We feel the burden of carrying our self-assigned ideals bore unto us by the mantra day in and day out. It’s heavier than our desire to make our lives appear well-rounded and carefree but we are still afraid. What happens if we stop reminding ourselves to be good, to try harder? How can we find order in the chaos of life without a guiding purpose? How do we know we will have a purpose if we don’t try to find one?
I can’t assuage my mind from the repetitions to “be.”
Be chill
Be less boring
Be assertive
Be less bossy
Be caring
Be pretty
Be happy
We leap to the rescue when we hear a member of our anxious tribe suffering:
Be helpful
Be dedicated
Be genuine
Be honest
Be supportive
It means we can forgo “being” to ourselves. But now we aren’t sure… Are our intentions to soothe founded in genuine nurturing or the selfishishness of image-preservation?
Be a good listener
Be a good friend
Be a nurturing
We continue to be there, be engaged, be helpful until – our mantra falters and we feel ourselves breaking, just like before. The vicious cycle of anxiety build us up and breaks us down time and time again. The middle ground of contentment is rare between the extreme states of existence.
And then we stumble upon a happy medium – a feeling so rare but instantly recognized as we realize we no longer feel the war-march beat to just “be.” Our spirits are light as we exist and live without constant reminders on how to live. It’s so easy! Why did we ever need this mantra?
Be happy
Even in our most content of times we sometimes feel that we should be focused on some type of worry, to hone in on something to improve and that the mantra is a solution to drive ourselves to being. We are never sure that it won’t return – at any moment we can pause to hear it’s echoes in the back of our minds – a reminder of its presence.
With enough time, we may even think Maybe the mantra isn’t so bad. Maybe that’s we are happy now. Maybe we can be even better now with it. Maybe I can’t be more successful without it. And that’s how we open the door just enough to let the anxious mantra sneak back in. Because we know that when life becomes tough and we find ourselves gnawing at our nails, it will be there to remind us how to “be.”
Know that just because we may all share it in some form, doesn’t mean you have to deal with it. You don’t have to suck it up. You can talk about it and your story will fall on sympathetic ears. If we don’t express our fears, our minds will only encourage them to grow.
There isn’t an uplifting end to the cycle of anxiety. It’s something we all struggle with to some extent. A mantra for me is an taunt for her, a narration for him. The worry of failing self-attainment is natural and presents itself in unique ways. We can break free of the cycle through meditation, exercise, medication, or therapy.
~ Elaine Cizma
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