Physical intimacy with another human being is one of the most meaningful aspects of human life. Each person defines, expresses and experiences their sexuality in their own unique way. In 2020, especially, there are so many lifestyle choices one can make in the realm of what they want to do in their sex life. One thing is crucial to enjoying it fully : good mental health along with physical health.
As I discovered in my own journey, poor mental health was a barrier in exploring and experiencing a fulfilling sexual life and learning how to date and relate to men. Compounding that was my South Asian culture telling me that dating was wrong and no pre-marital sex. It also gave me messages that I was not good enough or attractive enough. Loving yourself and your body is also key to having a good sex life. You cannot give pleasure and joy during sex if you do not have it within yourself.
So on and on I went through my 20s and 30s a lost soul in the areas of dating and sexual intimacy. It was only after I stabilized emotionally in my late 30s did I meet this amazing older Jamaican man and my journey to experiencing women hood truly began. Beforehand we decided that it would just be a friends-with-benefits package which I was ok with. The Indian values on pre-marital sex went out the window.
The last 2 years of being physically intimate with this man has been nothing short of amazing. He has given me the space and freedom to learn all the things I did not before in regards to sex. How to love myself and my body. Respecting my body. Making mistakes and experimenting. Knowing what pleases me as a woman and equally important what pleases men (I am a straight woman) Being an older man he gave me some honest feedback. It was awkward in the beginning but with time the physical intimacy has become so passionate, fun, and fulfilling.
Some of my fellow South Asian Americans would judge me on this so-called “alternative lifestyle choice”. Its not even the pre-marital sex per de that is the issue for them. Its the fact that we are not even in a committed dating relationship at the very least. However, I do not care and have no regrets going down this path with my friend. We are two mutually consenting adults who went into it with clear expectations. It has been an amazing journey.
I encourage every human being to define their sexuality and how to experience and express it on their own terms. Whether you have conservative values or liberal values is a personal thing in regards to sex. Just do what you feel will give you the most fulfillment, pleasure, and joy. Just play it safe and most of all have fun!!!
-Annonymous
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